Friday am, June 23, 2006
Yesterday was a quiet day for all of us. Molly slept a lot and we read to her most of the day. She is recuperating from her surgery. She asked a few questions about the nature of her injury and what they did during the surgery. She seemed to be calm about everything. I am starting to drive her crazy and I don't know how not to. If I were stuck in a bed and couldn't do much for myself, I am sure I would get tired of my caretakers as well. We both need a new perspective. It is hard for a mother to have outsiders tell you how to deal with your own children, but I guess that is what it will take. I think Molly will be up for a few visitors today, but call first.
Each day presents a new challenge. Sometimes I feel that the days get harder instead of easier. I read back over the blogs yesterday and realized that we will never have days as hard as the first 2 weeks. We were never sure if Molly was going to survive or not. Those days seemed endless. Time stood still. But now, we are closer to seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and it feels much better. Molly continues to amaze us with her fortitude. She will triumph!
Each day presents a new challenge. Sometimes I feel that the days get harder instead of easier. I read back over the blogs yesterday and realized that we will never have days as hard as the first 2 weeks. We were never sure if Molly was going to survive or not. Those days seemed endless. Time stood still. But now, we are closer to seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and it feels much better. Molly continues to amaze us with her fortitude. She will triumph!
posted by Molly's Page at 8:47 AM
25 Comments:
Delighted to hear Miss Molly is getting a bit crabby at times. When one is feeling better, after a terrible time of illness, usually one of the first indicators of feeling better is the patient gets crabby with the caretakers. All people need to be alone at times, perhaps, and this is just a gentle suggestion, give Miss Molly a wee bit of space, all to herself, throughout the day. Oh Mama and Papa, this is so hard on you, exausting, long stays at a hospital can make you MAD, and that is fine, your lives too, have been turned upside down, and it is going to take everything inside of you to not loose it. Take a break from one another now and then, and see if this helps. Sending you my love,
An Old East Angel
Hello Bob, Bernie, Katy, and Molly,
I agree that once you start getting crabby after your ill, it means you are getting better. Just keep being the great mom you are Bernie, and give the girl a little space. Speaking of caretakers, There are caregivers and caretakers, and yet the two words are not opposites. Why is this?
I saw the news clips on the web for the swim-a-thon. That was very moving.
There was the national womans swim meet this weekend, and in the 100 meter breast stroke the girl from Iowa, protested that all the other girls were using their arms. Now that is as dirty as I'll get, because they say cleanliness is next to Godliness. That's wrong because I looked it up, and goggles is next to Godliness. Cleanliness is next to claustrophobia. Stay strong and stay cool. Denver Bob
Molly, and the entire Bloom family.
I’m the father of an East student and have been keeping close tabs through mutual friends of my daughter. Molly, and I know we’ll never meet face-to-face, and you may never read this...
However, I want to let you know that I woke up in the middle of the night on both Wednesday night, and last night simply praying for your well-being. I prayed that your pain would subside, and completely leave your body in waves. Even if it is for a few moments, a glimpse of your complete healing in the future. I prayed for your fortitude, because I know such healing can be hard, hard work. And I prayed for your comfort, that you might have sweet dreams at night. After my prayers for you, my ears were wet with tears! I hope it helps in some small way.
Stay strong! Stay spunky!
Signed, an East High Father.
fuck ya you will triumph! you are my girl and you can do anything miss molly. and i love you to pieces! i was so glad when i opened my phone to find a text message from you. made my freaking day. i love you, hang in there trooopers.
xoxox love jilly
It is such a relief to know that your surgery went well!!! We thought about ya and prayed for ya many times. I dont know if its possible or not but maybe if there is internet and a notebook computer available she would enjoy surfing the net and maybe chatting with friends. Maybe listen to some tunes or watch some music videos. It may be a way to give everyone a break!! Just a idea..
Sounds like Molly needs a little time to herself. Always keep the communication lines open. I am sure none of you are mind readers. Ask Molly what she wants. If she tells you to back off a little and give her some space, don't take it personally. Think of it as a positive thing, that she is one step closer to her independence and leaving the hospital. Maybe she needs something more mentally stimulating than puzzles and reading. You can only do so much of that. Have you tried the tutoring tapes. Maybe she could learn a new foreign language while she recuperates. You also need to rejunivate yourself. Whether it is a hike, bike ride, the zoo,the spa, something that will put some life back into your soul. I am sure you are totally drained. One of these days as your leaving to go home for the day, Molly will say "Mom and Dad, you don't need to come and see me tomorrow, I have made other plans."
Yes, she will triumph!!!! And it's a good thing when parents start to drive their kids crazy. That's when we as parents know that they have fight and they are getting better! Best wishes, and keep those baby and giant steps coming, Molly!
A former East teacher
To the Blooms, I am constantly amazed at all of your strength and
devotion to each other. You are truly a blessed family to have each other. It sounds like Molly is on the right track and is in great hands. Mom and Dad, do give her and yourselves a break now and then. You will all be better for it. There is nothing wrong with being angry and frustated. Katy, you are an awesome older sister. Keep yourself healthy.
I read the blog page daily and hope you are keeping it as a diary.
Remember you are all surrounded by good friends and family who love and support you. Cathy Bowman
Aunt Bernie,
Sometimes it's hard to accept that our own children want their independence. Their growth is captivating and hearbreaking at the same time. I think she is torn between need and want.
Emotionally she NEEDS you there but she WANTS you to leave her. Try talking with her close friends and see if you can't schedule with them to take turns on days (OR hours) to be there and spend time with her since she doesn't want to be alone.
I know you feel compelled to be at her side every moment, but that is part of the heartbreak; letting go. She has already proved she is a survivor, she will survive some alone time.
I continue to pray for you and Uncle Bob's mental health. Hang in there...it will get easier.
Love,
Sarah
Bob and Bernie
Thank you for coming by Denver Health and visiting us, I am sorry I missed you both. I am relieved to hear that Molly is doing well and recovering. Hang in there, and know that I think of all of you often. My grandson will LOVE the tee shirt. Hope to see you soon.
To Molly's parents,
It is so hard to reach some sort of balance between keeping an ever watchful eye over what transpires still by the hour at the hospital and allowing Molly some time alone. I'm the physical therapist that wrote a week or 2 ago. I have worked with many kids after traumatic injury. As everyone is telling you and you both know, it is healthy for her to be needing a break. Many of the teenagers I have helped through recovery have had some period of inmobility or being totally depedent on others. I try to remind parents how often even the best teenager needs to walk away and slam their bedroom door and just have some space. She cannot walk away, so you have to in order to give her room. It is sooo hard but will help her. She will build relationships with some of her nurses and therapists and discuss some things with them before you, only because it is safer since she doesn't know them. She will have questions she is afraid to ask you or her doctors that she will discuss with them and later you. As a parent I know how hard it must be to be where you are, but as a therapist I know she has a tough balance ahead of taking on responsibility for herself and being independent while still being a teenager whenever she can. She sounds like a great girl. I would try talking to her very openly about what a long road lies ahead and that you want to be there when she needs you and offer space when she needs it. See if you can mutually decide on a signal (time out sign) that anyone can exhibit before saying hurtful things to one another. Also I would specifically ask when she wants friends to take over versus when she wants to be alone. I hope that helps in some small way!!
Molly is truly amazing and so are her parents. As parents, it is always so difficult when our kids are hurting and we know we have no control over the pain. Mom, you are probably driving yourself crazy too. Give yourself, and Molly, a break. Being hyperviligent 24/7 takes its toll. You guys are an incredibly strong and solid family. My thoughts are with you every day.
I am truly proud of our East High students. The video of the swim-a-thon was very moving.
Patricia Gould
East High Counselor
Dear Miss Molly,
What a joy for both me and Gran to see you in such good spirits today. And good for you to shoo your parents outside. (Believe me, we used to hear that all the time growing up--"Go outside and play!") I hope it did you a world of good and your parents, as well. I could see it was good for you, so yay. Your mom sounded much calmer this afternoon than she did this morning, hope you get to take advantage of that!
As soon as I can remember where I put that head massager, I'll bring it down to you.
Katy I miss seeing your face. Hope to catch up to you soon.
Love you all gobs
Aunt Peggy
Take a look at the Denver Post today in the entertainment section to see a picture of Regan Linton, another East grad who suffered her own terrible tragedy that left her in a wheelchair. But look at the joy on her face as she rehearses for 'The Wiz'. She is living, and she is living well. Molly will too! Theses East Angels are strong!
Bernie,
All that you can do for Molly is simply be the mother that you have always been. Whether or not you get on her nerves is really secondary to being there for her. I think that maybe she doesn't realize how much she needs you because her future has changed so much....or maybe it's that she really does know how much she will need you and Katy and Bob later and so now that the hospital can help carry the load that is what she wants to do to help you all.
It's okay to be quiet in the room, it's okay to just be there and be silent without offering positive thoughts or trying to intuit her needs. Remember what you have done when raising Molly, she seems to be the kind who will ask for help when she really needs it and she seems to be the kind of young lady who has savored her independence and is realizing that those days aren't any longer.
Be true to the motherhood that you personify and just be who she knows you to be and try not to question yourself.
I know this is a rough road that you are all on, and as a mother we know what kinds of things that our children are going through even when they don't and we are the ones that they take for granted but that is the way it is. Don't change yourself at this point in time....you are who she needs more than anything.
I am happy to see that she is making progress though, that is so wonderful to read.
I have said it before Bernie and I promise it will help, if you start writing in a journal that is just yours and can say the things that hurt you the most for Molly it will help your soul and it will help you find your way.
Be true and take care of Miss Molly, whether she likes it or not!
My son is coming to see her tomorrow and I envy that it isn't me....
All the love in the world!
Joni
It sounds like Molly is reclaiming her life as a teenager a little at a time and this might be a good time to ease up a bit on the time you spend with her. As the mother of two teens with moderate disabilities, I've found that they like me to have something to do and talk about besides them, and they like knowing they can go short periods of time without me around.
If you have a support group, exercise class, or something similar you'd like to join, this might be the time to talk it over with Molly and other people she trusts. You could have a cell phone handy and be sure someone reliable is on hand while you're gone. Of course it may be a little soon, but just bringing it up would be a sign that you recognize her progress and need for independence.
All the best,
East High Mom
Hi Bernie,
I know how difficult it is to be a caretaker. I was one to my mom for years. Some days I just needed to step back and let someone else do the job. I just wanted to be a daughter for a while. I think maybe you need to let someone else be the caretaker for a day and "just" be the mom of a teenage daughter. It is amazing how even one day will change your perspective on things.
Marga
Dear Mr. & Mrs. Bloom,
I think of you & your courage with much admiration and gratitude.
Thank you for keeping us up-dated on Molly's progress. The daily comments reflect that the thoughts and prayers of the world are with Molly & your family.
Although, Molly's defined need for her "space" may be difficult, it is definitely a wonderful sign of her progress.
The following has been very meaningful to me for myself, my husband, my 4 children when they were teenagers, and my patients as a nurse of 50 years.
The author is unknown but has touched many lives through this.
******************************************************
TO LET GO TAKES LOVE
To let go does not mean to stop caring.
It means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to care for, but to care ABOUT.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be him or herself.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow aothers to determine their own destinies.
To let go is not to be less protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to dominate but to be willing to let things happen.
To let go is not to betray the past, but to have faith in the future.
To let go means to fear less, and love more.
*******************************************************
Sincerely,
Lois (Sewell) Mesner,
Ancient Angel, Class of 1956, University of Colorado
School of Nursing, & mother of 4 teen agers who are now independent adults.
Sounds like Molly is wanting to get on with her life, What could be better? What better proof of the great love and devotion of the Blooms!
All the best of hope and faith to all.
An East High FFamily,
You both seem to have the perfect instincts to know just what to do for Molly; keep trusting them.
Maybe Molly is not only asking for space(a good thing), maybe she wants to see a little bit less of the responsible/serious/worried/ attentive parents, and a little bit more of the silly/impulsive/ crazy/lighthearted sides of you. That is a hard balance to find while being sensitive to her, but I bet you will find it.
We are glad Molly is getting a little testy. I suggest a little space would do you all good. How about looking into a friendly furry visitor to keep her company sometimes? If the hospital allows, and she loves our four legged friends, a little silent TLC and adoration could really be comforting. Thinking of you all. You are in our thoughts constantly.
Dear Bernie, My husband and I are on Bob's mail route and have gotten to know Bob well. He has spoken so lovingly of you and your daughters over the years. Our son is 22 and I cannot imagine what I would do if something like this happened to him.
I read the frustration in your voice. The advice from an Old East Angel says it all. Be assured that people you don't even
know are praying for you and your family. We all wished we could take the suffering from you. Easy for me to say to take each day at a time, when you are going through such hell. The prayers and help from your many friends and family and those of us you do not know, will get you through this.
Please tell Bob hello for us,
Don and Therese Roth
You're so right Bernie - Molly will triumph! and in no small part because of you, Bob and Katy. Don't for a moment doubt your role in this - you've looked this storm right in the eye and stood strong. Molly knows that. She is 100% your daughter... Unfortunately for you, she only gets to take her frustrations out on those closest to her. That's what family is. No family has ever defined supportive more than the Blooms. Stay strong, stay the course. We swimmers and non-swimmers alike are paddling upstream right behind you all the way.
Dear the Molly,
Oh where to begin, Molly, you are one in a million to say the least. There are no words to explain the joy you add to everyone’s lives, and the love that all these people share for you. No matter how much I loved swimming, I loved it ten times more when you were right there swimming next me. It is impossible to be around you and not be in a good mood. Your love and happiness is addicting. You are always the one to put a smile on people’s faces and make their day better. I was upset to hear that the swim-a-thon was right in the middle of my trip to South Carolina, but amazed to hear about the outcome. If it was not a working trip, I would have been right there swimming in a second. I’m sending you ALL of my love. Keep your spirits high Molly!!
Dear the Bloom family,
Molly is so lucky to have an amazing loving family by her side each and everyday. It is incredible to read the love you have for your wonderful daughter and how strong you are as a family!!!
I’m praying for you all, - Kerrie Krosky
Bernie and Bob...
Just want you to know that we are following Molly's progress and are keeping you and her in our thoughts and prayers. Please give Molly our very best and you two and Katy hang in there!
Love, Terri and Jeff Auerbach
p.s. just made some fresh chicken soup...sound good? I'll bring it over! I have plenty! Seriously!
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